Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Sisters' Visit

Installment I

My husband and I had just bought a new “100 year old” house and my sisters decided to come for a week to help us renovate. I am the youngest of three girls, the baby of the family. So, it just stands to reason that when in need “the sisters” would arrive. We were still renting while in the process of renovating the new/old house. It was decided that for the sake of his sanity, my husband Ray, would stay at the rental while the “Robinson Girls” stayed at the aforementioned new/old house. The plan was that Ray would cook our meals in the evenings, we would go to the rental for supper and then return to our respective houses for sleeping. We did not yet have a functional kitchen at the new/old house. Thankfully, we did have two functional bathrooms…but I digress from the story at hand. We will visit this topic later.

All went extremely well. We had loads of fun and laughter and even managed to get curtains made and walls painted. We also managed to shop, eat, go to Lowes, shop some more, eat again, go to Hobby Lobby, go to Lowes again… you get the point. There was one trip to Hobby Lobby that we went back in the store three times before we even made it out of the parking lot. This is what happens when you send three women over the age of FIFTY to do anything. We eventually remembered everything we came for, just not necessarily at the same time.

On one such trip to Lowes, we were on a mission to find…something…who knows what. We always had a list, Linda, the Organizer, never went anywhere without her list. The problem was that Linda, the Organizer, was never anywhere to be found when the list was needed. That left Janet, the Doer, and myself to our own devices. Never a good thing. So, there I am, moseying down the aisle with Janet, the Doer, in tow when it suddenly hits me…really hits me, that I need to pee. Okay, something happens when you turn FIFTY that by the time you realize that you need to pee, it is already too late. All I can do at this point is stop in the aisle and cross my legs, clinch as tight as I can, and hope it will subside. Yeah, right. Janet, the Doer, is behind me and instantaneously knows what this stance means, being that she is somewhat older than myself and familiar with the “clinched-pee-pose”. Seeing this sends her into the identical pose. So, there we are in the middle of the Lowes aisle, both striking “the pose”, when the unthinkable happens. We begin to laugh. Now, any middle aged woman knows that nothing will undo the purpose of “the pose” quicker than laughing. With all of that pressure building up, something is bound to give. And it did. Just about that time Linda, the Organizer, comes down the aisle facing us, sees us both in “pee-pose” stance and promptly makes a U turn as quickly as she can and heads for the bathroom. Being the eldest, she has had much more experience and knows what to do in an emergency situation. Janet, the Doer, sees this as our deliverance and says, “Okay, we are going to follow Linda to the bathroom”, to which I reply, “I can’t, if I move, I will pee”. What a conundrum. “Should I stay or should I go, now? If I stay it will be trouble, if I go there’ll be a puddle”. Those aren’t really the lyrics but once again, I digress. So Janet, the Doer makes a break for it. The herd instinct takes over and I follow. Fight or flight? Well, it was not pretty. Just as I moved, the dam broke… down my leg, into my shoes, spreading across my pants like a tidal wave. Finally, I made it to restroom and into the last remaining stall. Of course, by that time the damage was done. Now I was faced with another dilemma…restroom to car… car to home… with pee-soaked pants. It was at that moment when I saw my salvation hanging on the wall of the women’s restroom at Lowes, a gift from God… the hand dryer. I had always wondered why the spout pointed down and now I know. Oh, come on, you've thought about it too, admit it. I turned that baby on, sidled right up to it and let it blow. Just about that time, Janet, the Doer, and Linda, the Organizer, come out of their stalls to a sight to behold. There stands baby sister, blow dryin’ her crotch in the women’s restroom at Lowes. Back into the stalls they went…

Left to Right: Ronda, the Instigator, Linda, the Organizer and Janet, the Doer

Coming attractions:
Installment II, Who’s in the Bed with Janet?
Installment III, The Case of the Missing Embroidery

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